Anger is a normal and healthy reaction when things don’t go the way we expected, life feels unfair or people upset or hurt us. It can be a helpful thing - letting us know that something is wrong or not okay with us.

It’s normal for children and young people to find it difficult to manage their angry feelings sometimes, and it’s helpful to remember that the part of our brain that helps us do this doesn’t fully develop until we’re in our mid-20s.

Anger can become a problem for your child if it feels overwhelming or unmanageable, makes them unhappy, affects their relationships or is expressed through unhelpful or destructive behaviours – towards either themselves or other people.

Angry feelings and aggressive behaviour can be really hard to deal with as a parent, and can have a huge effect on family life. If you’re going through this, remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are things you can do to make the situation better, and places where you can find support if you need to. Here, we’ve got strategies you can use to help you respond and advice on when to seek further help and where to get it.

Types of aggression

Outward aggression - Do you often find yourself being aggressive towards other people?  Are you frightening or worrying yourself, or those around you with your behaviour?

Inward aggression - Do you tell yourself that you hate yourself, that you're useless, that you don't deserve things? Do you shut yourself off from the world, deny yourself things that make you happy or self-harm? 

Passive aggression - Do you behave passive-aggressively towards other people? Do you ignore people, refuse to speak to them, or are you often sarcastic or sulky?


  • Inclusion Thurrock - We offer a simple gateway for adults across Thurrock to access talking therapies for common mental health difficulties including depression and anxiety disorders such as OCD, PTSD and social phobia.

  • Young Minds have some useful tips on dealing with anger in young people.

  • Very Well Family have 7 useful and practical tips on dealing with anger at home.

  • NHS England has a useful page on this topic with links to further help.

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